9781587433726

You’re (probably) wrong about suicide

This weekend marks one of the saddest of my life: saying goodbye to a dear friend who took his own life after many years of battling depression and anxiety disorders. Suicide raises a lot of questions, not least of which is, what could I have done? But the questions really don’t end there…What was going through his mind? How do we think and talk about this? Is taking one’s life the height of selfishness? Should would or can we be angry? What does God think of all this? Is suicide the unforgivable sin? I discovered that most of the answers I’ve heard in the past were wrong. Grievously wrong.

By grace, I happened upon a book a couple week’s ago by a theologian I had read for a seminary course last fall. I immediately recognized the name, Kathryn Greene-McCreight, but had no idea that she has battled bipolar disorder for much of her adult life (it began in seminary after an experience with postpartum depression!). I knew her as a brilliant theologian and eloquent writer, but was completely unaware of the years of unthinkable anguish, medications, hospitalizations, electro-convulsive shock therapies and thoughts of suicide. I’m sad to say I was not aware that such things could co-exist with such brilliance and faithfulness in the life of a pastor and theologian. But then again, I’m wondering if I really knew anything about mental illness before reading her work.

In Darkness is My Only Companion (2015), Greene-McCreight tells her own story while explaining the ins-and-outs of terminology, treatments, and medical care. Throughout, she intersperses prose that reads like a journal entry, giving us a heart-wrenching look at the mental anguish that accompanies bipolar disorder and depression. In this first of its kind text (at least at the time of writing), she examines mental illness theologically, examining whether ‘brokenness of the brain’ has any bearing on the condition of one’s heart and soul, among other things. Needless to say, this title should be on every pastor’s reading list. Anyone with family and friends suffering from mental illness should add this as well.

Below is the message I gave at the funeral for those interested. In it I try to answer the questions I posed above. I’m not sure I got it all right, but I consider this the most important message I’ve ever attempted, and I am deeply indebted and grateful to Kathryn Greene-McCreight for opening my eyes to her reality. Her vulnerability is a much-needed gift for the whole Church, and beyond.

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